How do I integrate my sexuality with this connection to Spirit? I do it in every way!

When I am physically with someone, I feel into this connection and use it as my guide. I can use it to sense boundaries within myself. To guide me in how I touch, kiss, and make love. This allows me to let go of expectations and let new experiences come into my lovemaking. This is RED tantra. I know when I slip from this place of connection to Spirit because I feel a desire to control the situation, to get somewhere. Usually it’s a desire to get to an orgasm, either mine or my lover’s. I know from lots of experience that even if I achieve my goal, when I am in my will it is never very satisfying.

When I am communicating with someone about something challenging, I also feel into my connection with Spirit. I use it again to set healthy boundaries. What part of this conversation is my responsibility? Am I feeling defensive, hurt, happy, or loving? Would it be in my best and highest good to just listen and feel my feelings, or to energetically shift the conversation with a hug, a tickle, or a spin? Or do I need to detach with love? I could say:

“Honey, I honor what you are feeling but I am not in a place to hear it right now. I would love to set a time in the future for us to talk about this. Would you be willing to do that?”

If the answer is yes, then we set a time and let go of the problem by feeling that connection to Spirit, knowing that something bigger than us is there to handle the problem for us until we come back together to talk about it. If the answer is: “No, I need to talk about it now!”, you can still detach with love by removing yourself physically. I detach with love when my connection to Spirit is not that strong. I have learned that it is never helpful for me to talk about hard subjects when I can not feel my connection to Spirit.

When I am walking through the world, I connect to Spirit by breathing in the beauty of it all. If I see a beautiful woman, I can take a deep breath in and honor her beauty without pushing beyond our boundaries.When I began this practice and someone cut me off in traffic, I could scream “you fucker!” and then let it go. Now that I am further along in my journey, I can take a deep breath, feel my fear of almost getting in an accident, and feel empathy for that person, and what is making them behave that way. Then once again, I can let it go. Nowadays I know that the serenity I feel from connecting with Spirit is more important to me than fixating on how poorly someone else drives.

Why do I connect to Spirit? The simple answer is that when I do, my life flows more easily and joyously. That’s not to say that I don’t get curve balls thrown at me, but with this connection I somehow navigate them better.

Namaste,

Steven Jay

It’s the ecstatic places that I am moved to write about today, the times when I drop into the tantric space of no goals, no expectations, no desires, and no needs. In these times I feel completely held, powerful, and capable of anything. I feel like I am supported on all sides by my lover, that I have a room to fill and walls to push against so fully that I can explode the walls of that room.

Every motion, every stroke, becomes pure bliss. Even the still, resting moments between motions become ecstatic. These still moments are a union between two, creating something more empowering than we could each create alone.

What is the difference between what I am calling tantric love making and what I had before I found tantra? Not much in the physical act, but everything in the intention and the way I experience it. Physically, my lovemaking is a little slower, the foreplay and lovemaking lasts longer, I don’t always ejaculate, but often have sensations beyond orgasm without ejaculation. I guess this part is quite new. Since making love with intention I am having what I call energetic orgasims. They start and build like an ejaculatory orgasm but if I breathe into them, instead of exploding out my penis and ending my lovemaking they explode out of my body, sending shivers down my arms, making me scream with delight, and turning my legs into blissful jelly. The best part is that once both my lover and I have ridden these waves of pleasure, we move back into making love even more intensely than before.

With all of this physical pleasure, it’s still not the physical that really makes this journey worthwhile for me. It’s the way I feel about the lovemaking that makes it amazing for me.

When I feel safe enough and supported enough by my lover to look deeply into her eyes while I penetrate deeply into her yoni, she begins to melt for me almost like I am penetrating a beautiful velvet room. When I allow myself to experience my pleasure fully without worry about how well I am pleasing her, my masculine sexual power takes both of us to those new ecstatic places. When I remember to breathe my pleasure through my whole body, instead of containing it in my groin, I feel shivers of pure joy flow through me and into her.

But the biggest difference in my intention during tantric lovemaking is simply staying in the moment: when I give up the need to make her orgasm before I do; when I give up the goal of having an ecstatic “Tantric Love Making” experience. When I simply drop into whatever is happening in me at this very moment, I feel more joy, and ecstasy, and something more, a connection to the Divine Feminine, which some call the Goddess. This is what I mean by tantric lovemaking—to explore a loving connection, a sexual connection with your partner without fear, without goals, without needs. In this beautiful place you simply explore her and yourself for the goddess and god that you are in this very moment. And hand in hand, you move into divine radiance and ecstatic pleasure.

With Love,
Steven Jay

Steeped in physics by his Ph.D. training, he began years ago to use the scientific method of hypothesis and experiment to trailblaze a new path to sacred relationship and sexuality, combining his many years of experience of Zen Buddhism, the Alexander method, and nature to create sexual healing practices that produce repeatable results for his students. He has spent the last several years in a spiritually-based intimate relationship with Kypris, walking the path of tantric lovemaking and conscious relationship as a sacred practice. He continues to deepen his learning about love and intimacy through all of his practices, as well as through being an ongoing student of life and relationship. Steven lives in the heart of San Diego, close to the manmade forest of Balboa Park.

I invite you to explore our Private Services pages and Upcoming Events for more information on how I can be of service. If you would like some help deciding which of the options is best for you please feel free to give me a call.

To learn more join radio show hosts Dr. Steven Jay and Kypris Aster Drake on their show Sex, Love, and Spirit at Energy Talk Radio.

To enroll in a private intensive or , fill out our questionnaire, send email to steven@yabyummy.com, or call 619 321-8599.