Calling the Spirit Lover

On my spiritual path to manifesting the relationship that is perfect for me, there have been several steps. This blog is part one of a series describing my own journey to bring in a life partnership that is mutually nourishing, spiritually and emotionally growthful, and deeply satisfying. I am still on the journey, having just ended a 7 month relationship with a primary partner. But Spirit (and my astrologer) tells me that I am very close to manifesting the man that will be a King to my Queen.

This adventure in my life began with an unexpected visit from my Spirit Lover. At that time in my life I was single and had been dating extensively for 3 years. None of the relationships with the men I was dating felt very satisfying, and yet I wasn’t ready to give any of them up. As I did my daily practice each day, I kept praying for some solution, some help, some clue to how to get unstuck from the place I was in. I was longing in my deepest core for a primary partner, someone that I could dive deeply into the practices of tantra with. I wanted a fellow traveler on the voyage, someone to truly know and be known by. I wanted to go deep into my own vulnerability and take the armor off my heart. Not only that, but I wanted to invoke the deep magick of red tantra and travel down the expansive roads of shamanism and altered states of being and perception.

Even with this longing in my heart, I knew that the first step would be to let go of all these relationships that didn’t work for me, that weren’t what I wanted. I needed help. I was stuck in a lot of fear and longing, not knowing how to let go and still be able to breathe and feel whole. I was deeply in love with two men who loved me, but weren’t “in love” with me. After much prayer and meditation and spiritual practice, one morning I had an unexpected breakthrough. In the middle of a shamanic journey that was focused on just getting acquainted with a particular god archetype, I met my Spirit Lover.

In my journey, he showered me with diamonds that echoed the diamonds he wore in his long dark hair, and one diamond he put on my finger. The diamond was set into a golden ring shaped like a yoni. My Spirit Lover told me this was a symbol of his love for me, and that he was tasking me with the mission of manifesting this ring in the physical world.

This was not an easy task for me at the time. My financial state didn’t really support me buying a diamond. I was stuck in indecision for several months. Was this just some crazy whim or self indulgence? How did I know that my vision was even real? Would this just be another in a long series of attempts to change that would yield no measurable change? But as the pain in my heart intensified, I became more motivated. I meditated longer and more often. And I got very clear that if I could create this ring, that it would be a symbol of a very profound commitment to change. Once I became clear, then providence moved. Through a series of magickal synchronicities, I manifested the yoni diamond ring I have now worn on my left ring finger for almost 2 years. The ring is beautiful—a golden yoni with a diamond in its center, with two more golden yonis flanking it. Underneath, hidden on the band, is a lingam. Inside, the ring is engraved with the Apache words “Ashne Ate”—“I am love always”.

This ring became the centerpiece of a ceremony where I dedicated myself to a year of giving up the goal of being primary with any human man. Naked at Black’s Beach, here in San Diego, I took several vows, witnessed by my closest spiritual family members. These vows included a promise to spend 3 nights a week with Spirit, quite a task with more than one lover in my life.

On these nights I would devote myself to spiritual practice and to connecting with my Spirit Lover in self pleasure practice. These nights became magickal times of peace for me. I could literally feel my Spirit Lover holding me as I slept. Sometimes while he held me I cried, but I never felt alone or lonely during this time, just a great sense of relief at starting to come back to myself.

For my self pleasure practice, I kept a beautiful glass dildo on my altar, that represented my sexual connection to my Spirit Lover. I did the practice of Divine Union, calling Him in and imagining him making love to me through my own hands and through the glass wand of light. Afterward, I would feel him holding me tenderly and sweetly in his arms.

As time went by, I would call my Spirit Lover in to be with me anytime I felt lonely or frightened. He truly has become my primary partner. Once I felt this strong anchoring with him, I was ready to move to the next stage of manifesting the beloved: Clearing Space.