Heart Wide Shut

I talk a lot about the six gateways as tools and techniques for cultivating the tantric state, but what really happens when I commit to using them on a regular basis? The practices of the six gateways are truly meant to open the gateways within us, doorways to deeper connection, intimacy, and sexual experience. So when a new gateway opens, how does it feel? And what can you do when you discover a gate is rusted firmly shut?

In my own tantric practice, I have been focusing on the 6th gateway of Divine Union. I have struggled in this practice, with learning to consciously receive my partner’s masculine essence into my body. I have struggled even more with learning to breathe that essence back to him. And I see a pattern in this, that not only is it hard for me to give to my partner in the practice, but it is hard to give to him in our daily lives. The longer I am in relationship, the more intimate I get, the harder it seems. The longer I am in relationship, the more I go into an old pattern from childhood of feeling I will never get enough masculine energy. The longer I am in relationship, the more I hoard the energy. I become reluctant to give it back, both in our daily lives and in our lovemaking. I have realized that the practice of Divine Union requires an openness of heart that I simply don’t possess fully yet. And I have been seriously stuck in my ego as a teacher, spiritual being, and partner, beating myself up and feeling frustrated because after so many years on the path, my heart is still not fully open. I have been stuck in the place of “not good enough”. But I realize that this is yet another way to keep myself in a place of fear, to keep myself from fully stepping into a connected, joyous, and free experience of life. I realize that lately I’ve been hanging on to a goal instead of enjoying my journey. And this is precisely when I am reminded that I have only to accept that this is where I am right now. That however open my heart may be, that it is still not in full flower. That however wise I am, I am not a fully enlightened being. That until I am dead, I am never finished with growing and learning. That there is no ultimate goal, only a journey.

At a time like this, it helps me to be in gratitude for how far I have come and what I have accomplished so far, so here before you this month is my gratitude list.

1. I am grateful for my daily meditation practice that connects me to Spirit.
2. I am grateful for the ability to gaze within my soul with awareness.
3. I am grateful for learning to walk through the world without “shields”. I put my roots in the earth and my branches in the sky and allow my safety to come from the strength of the love I breathe into my being.
4. I am grateful for the healing of my sexuality and for the ability to run my own sexual energy.
5. I am grateful for the path of ecstasy that has become my life, where my mental, physical, emotional, and creative sides are in balance, creating a life where it is safe to strip off my heart armor and let people get close to me.
6. I am grateful for the awareness that a deeper intimacy and opening of my heart is possible if I learn to receive potent male energy with love, receptivity, openness, and a desire to give back through my own feminine energy.

Namaste,
Kypris