Inviting Love In

How many of you have heard that to attract the love that you want in your life, you have to love yourself first?

There is a pretty big consensus among coaches, therapists, and spiritual teachers that when you are looking for love, the best place to search is within you.

There are two components to really telling the universe you are ready for love. The truth about attracting anything into your life is that you have to feel good about it, not scared, and not feeling a huge lack and neediness. Also, you must be open. So the two things you need for opening to love are:

1. Removing Armor

Do you feel wounded by an old relationship?
If you are really honest with yourself, are you still angry, hurt, or upset about that?

There is a thing that can happen for us women, (and for men too!) where we start to hold on to past hurts and view all new relationships through a looking glass clouded up by those old hurts and stories. While we are holding on to the story that we are a victim, we cannot grow or be open to love. True love requires that we be able to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. If we are still afraid of being hurt again, it is extremely hard to give unconditional love to anyone, including ourselves. What most of us also do is that we put ARMOR on our hearts to protect us from getting hurt again. Once that armor is on, we feel nice and cozy and safe, but we are cut off from our ability to feel deeply or to truly connect with anyone.

Years ago, I had many layers of armor around my heart, from years of living with a man who didn’t treat me well, and a childhood of emotional neglect and criticism. Needless to say, I didn’t feel safe in the world, and I especially didn’t feel safe with men. I had done years of therapy and self examination and spiritual practice, but I was still carrying a lot of armor, and I didn’t even know it. Eventually, Spirit led me to a 4-day workshop focused on opening and connecting with others and learning to live in pure unconditional love. About two days into that workshop I started to feel that armor on my heart, and I wanted it GONE. Two of my shaman friends who were at the seminar came in and assisted me, laying me down on the floor and working in shamanic reality to remove the armor. One used a ceremonial knife (gulp) to symbolically cut away the armor from my chest. I literally felt the ripping sensation and the sudden nakedness of not having the armor once it was pulled away. I kept breathing while they held me safe. My other friend worked to help me open and trust now that the armor was released. After that I felt freer and lighter, and suddenly I could hug people and not feel like there was always an invisible wall between us. I hadn’t even been aware of that wall before, but now that it was gone, it felt so GOOD. For the first time, I was able to truly receive love from another, and it made me a bit giddy.

2. Receptivity and Vulnerability

It can be hard to become truly open to sharing your heart with another, to be willing to receive the love they want to give you and to share your true feelings. Once if we have healed old wounds and removed our armor, we can feel like a peeled grape. And you might be wondering how you can keep yourself safe without the armor. It is important that women learn how to create a feeling of safety with men, and that men learn how to support that feeling of safety for women. Obviously this is a big topic. I can start by telling you what being receptive feels like.

For me, being receptive means that I am open to connecting with men. This means that I smile at men when I am out in public and say hello. It means that when my partner wants to give time or attention to me, I say "yes" as often as I can. It means that my heart and body are open to receive energy, attention, and gifts of time and even presents, from men. For men, receptivity in a woman feels like a big relief, to finally have someone willing to receive what they have been aching to share. And when the two meet, there is expansion of the heart, and True Love can begin to grow.

In our True Love 101 class we’ll have more time to share with you about these concepts, as well as the 5 components of true love and spiritual practices that can help create true love in your life. Click here for our schedule of classes…

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy is a teaching temple that provides a tantric path to gain sexual wholeness through breathwork, visualization, and tantric massage. We are committed to unifying sexuality with spirituality and spirituality with sexuality for growth minded men, women and couples.