Breaking Your Bliss Barrier

This weekend I spent 24 hours with two lovers, playing and making love and daring myself to be in joy. I opened myself to letting go of jealousy, fear, and lack. And for the first time I am open, so open that my heart feels like the sky. All need to contract, to control access to my heart, to control my lovers actions, has washed away. And my yoni feels like a juicy ripe peach ready to be plucked. How in the heck did I get here from the place I was just a few months ago, when just the thought of my lover with another was enough to send me into heart-pounding panic and the desire to run from any possible hurt?

Well, I am having a growth spurt. Not growth in my body, but growth in my everyday emotional state. I am learning to contain more pleasure, and more and more to let go of fear, and sadness.

It was at our first six gateways retreat in June that I really became aware that I limit how much bliss I can feel. There I was on the second day of the retreat, moving sexual energy with three different yummy men, feeling myself open and feel fabulous, and then BAM! I hit a wall. I found my bliss barrier.

I’d always had some awareness that somewhere within me I had been limiting the pleasure I feel, not just in sex but in all of life. I had been noticing for years my tendency to focus on the negative. For me, sex is a microcosm of all of life–so if I am limiting the pleausre I am feeling in sex, I am limiting the pleasure I am having in all of life. And that was something I didn’t want.

So with this new awareness, I began to pay more attention during lovemaking. Sure enough, I found that I was limiting my pleausre there too. I was limiting the amount I could open my heart to feel love, and my yoni to feel ecstasy and orgasm.

I decided to try a new approach to solving this puzzle–a combination of practice and prayer. That’s right, prayer. After all, I took a vow to be married to Spirit and spend three nights a week with Him. Shouldn’t that time include asking for the healing I wanted in my sexuality?

So I have been praying and I have been practicing. I have been breathing love into my heart from God, and putting my sacred tree roots in the ground to be held in the arms of the Goddess. I have been looking at myself and how I stand in my own way. I have been breathing Dragon Fire through my chakras. I have been asking the God and Goddess to open me to more bliss. And I have been pushing my edge.

And then I had the dream. I saw myself in my back yard, trying to help a hummingbird who kept falling to the ground, flightless with the cold of the setting sun. I tried to help her fly, to set her free, but it was no use. Finally, out of solutions, I picked her up and held her to my heart. And she blossomed. She nuzzled into me and looked up at me with her tiny face, and that face was full of love. She stretched her tiny wings to show her pleasure. And as I continued through my dream landscape, holding her, all my fear and sadness and anger faded away. Nothing in my dream could upset me. It was surreal, like I was on some mega dose of ecstasy.

But more surreal, when I woke, my heart was filled with an unfamiliar sensation. It was holding joy. My chest was tingling, open, and I felt like crying with happiness. I never knew that joy could be so full of emotion. I think I always assumed that joy was boring. But no, it was as intense as the sadness I had been carrying! Since then it has been as if my heart has grown wings. Although I still sometimes feel sadness and fear, anger has almost entirely left me. And when I feel the sadness and fear, it always transforms within a few hours back to this intense feeling of ease and happiness.

So it was flying on hummingbird wings that I broke through my bliss barrier this weekend, and entered a place where my old limits no longer applied. I made love for hours, felt Steven’s lingam opening me deeper and deeper, and my yoni responding by becoming more sensitive and ecstatic with every tiny touch or movement. After a while I lost count of the climaxes, and of the number of times I ejaculated. Everything merged into one long valley orgasm that seemed to last forever, perhaps at least a half hour, while the three of us held deep ecstatic loving union with each other. My heart opened wider than ever before, and I became filled with this pleasure, as vast as the ocean, no longer feeling even a hint of fear or sadness. So much love began to spill from my heart that my nipples felt like laser guns beaming love to the universe. My chest tingled, and the size of my heart seemed to grow, while my heart itself seemed to be filled with white fire. I felt bigger than usual, and my entire body became a sexual energy container, feeling alive and ecstatic and open. I surrendered completely to the will of my lovers, letting go of all needs, simply flowing in lovemaking with them in that moment.

I can hardly wait to see what will happen not only during our six gateways retreat on September 6 and 7, but afterward. The retreat itself will be white, done fully clothed, and with lots of yummy sacred sexual practices designed to help you break through your own bliss barrier. I hope that you can join me and share in whatever that experience becomes.

Namaste,

Kypris
Creating Peace, Love and Passion