Pure Passion

Over the last few months I have been sharing in this blog about my thoughts and experience of True Love. I’ve shared my thoughts on the definition of True Love, and on its components of  Trust, Ease, and Unconditional Love.  In this blog, I’d like to share with you about my experience of the top of the pyramid: Passion.

What is passion, really? is it sex? Is it creation? Is it that fiery feeling you get when something feels really right and it’s FULL STEAM AHEAD? I think that it’s all of these things and more. Passion is the fuel of life, the thing we strive for as the highest expression of the human experience, whether we express it through the arts, through commitment to a cause or calling, or through sexuality and relationship. Passion is the top of the True Love pyramid, the cherry on the top of any relationship. Most of us have been told that passion in a relationship can’t last, that it has to burn itself out. But it’s my experience that passion built on the foundation of Trust, Ease, and Unconditional Love can last a lifetime.

Passion comes from the fire element, and is an exhilarating energy. Passion can express itself in all sorts of ways in relationship, not just through sex! Passion can be co-creation, doing tantric practice together, and manifestation magic. But for most couples, the sexual arena is where they want to focus their passion. When couples come to me wanting to improve their sexual connection, the first thing I tell them is to focus on their own sexuality first, their own individual connection to the divine fire. Practices like the Dragon Breath are excellent for cultivating your own sexual energy, so that you can bring that to the table in your partnership. Arousal isn’t something that needs to be dependent on your partner, it can be totally self-created–because the most powerful sexual stimulant is really your own mind!

So what are the steps to creating passion in a new or existing relationship? For me the first principle is balance. I need to make sure that my own life is balanced between good physical care, self-love, play, and Spiritual practice before I try to connect with another person. If I spend time with someone to the exclusion of doing the things that keep me balanced as a person, the passion between us soon becomes dull and lifeless. Fire needs AIR to keep burning. For me in relationship this means that not only do we both need to tend to our own individual pursuits, but the relationship also needs to include friends and activities that bring in fresh energy and life. In addition, the relationship needs to have a solid foundation and continued balance between Trust, Communication and Play together, and Solid Emotional connection before I can expect passion to fully ignite.

Creating long-lasting passion is like building a fire. You begin slowly, with some matches, grass, and twigs. You could throw gasoline on the fire to get it started more quickly, but it will often go out much more quickly. A slow burning fire has to start slowly and gradually grow big enough to allow whole logs to burn. Like enduring passion, it burns for a long time, and gives off a lot of heat. This kind of passion includes lovemaking that is more satisfying because it encompasses the body, mind, heart, and spirit.  For me, this is True Love.