You Must Be Present To Win

My life has taken a turn for the better of late, as a result of facing a lot of hard facts, of coming into reality about my life. I’ve accepted how my relationships with my friends and lovers ARE, letting go of how they aren’t exactly what I want. I’ve accepted that not everyone will like me. I’ve even accepted that my son and I will sometimes be at odds. I have decided to accept reality. Wow, what a concept, to cherish what actually occurs each day in my life instead of what I am hoping for or expecting. For the first time in my life I feel mostly calm and serene. And I understand that I must be truly present to win the rewards of blissful contentment in my life.

If I am not present, if I am resentful with my son because he woke me up two days in a row at 5:30 AM, then I can’t enjoy his hair flying in the wind and the joyful laughter on his lips as he rides his scooter for blocks and blocks at top speed.

If I’m in the future with my lover, worried that he doesn’t have the same relationship goals that I have, then I can’t fully enjoy the way my heart melts at the sight of him, and the bliss I feel when he makes love to me.

If I’m in fantasy and distorted thoughts, worried that a loved one is ignoring me, then I can’t reach out and make the connection in the present, and enjoy their laughter, their companionship, and their loving hugs.

You say “thats great but a year from now when your son is still waking you up, and your lover is not meeting your needs, and your other loved ones have left you then what? Don’t I need to do something NOW?”

Thanksgiving for me this year is a harvest of abundance. I have an abundance of contentment and love in my life, an abundance of Spirit flowing through my body, and an abundance of gratitude. I am grateful daily for my new awareness, and not only for awareness, but acceptance. Steven and I talk a lot with our clients and students about this concept of acceptance. Too many people, myself included, get an awareness about something and then BAM! I want to jump into acting on this awareness right away; to react immediately to my son, my lover, and my loved ones. But a very wise teacher of mine has taught me that once I am AWARE of something, the next step is for me to sit and ACCEPT it. This means that I feel all the feelings that I have about it. I usually want to skip this step because it is really UNCOMFORTABLE. But my experience has shown me that taking this extra time and sitting in my feelings about something lets me come out the other side to a calm knowing about the right course of action for me. When I no longer jump into action from a place of anxiety or wanting to DO something to make the bad feelings go away, my life is more tranquil and more connected to the reality of the situations in my life.

This is a powerful meditation, acceptance, although it may not look like a meditation. it may look more like a lot of crying, or screaming, or dancing my anger out, followed by prayers for guidance and talking to my mentors to get my mind to a place of clarity. Meditation for me is any practice that brings me fully present to the here and now, and can include Temple Belydance, trance dance, yoga, or walking in nature.

Lately I am accepting that my friends and lovers are imperfect, and loving them anyway. I focus on what I love about them, and what I am grateful for, because focusing on their faults does none of us any good. I notice that when I stay present to them and who they are in the moment, everything else falls away, and every moment in my life has the potential to become a tantric one: timeless, loving, and connected.

Ashne’ete (I am love always)

Kypris