I am going to warn you now: you are about to get a glimpse into my ego. She is one angry bitch. She has been protecting me for years. She is the reason I do the push-pull thing with people. She speaks very loudly and is very convincing. She does not want to die. (more…)

I feel broken. I know orgasm is not the goal per se in tantra, but I still feel like something is wrong with me in that I can’t seem to be able to release and surrender to the euphoric nerve rush an orgasm offers you as a gateway. (more…)

When I look back on my life, I can pinpoint certain moments when pieces of my soul were either taken or given away. Shamans call this “soul loss” and the soul retrieval process sets out to reclaim these lost pieces. (more…)

In the second part of my training for the Second Gateway, Breathing Love, I was to receive a self-pleasuring ritual. “How hard can that be?” you ask. Well, it turned out to be pretty darn difficult. But wait, isn’t that just masturbation? That depends. (more…)

In the days following my red session (Awakening the Breasts) with Steven Jay I noticed a curious thing. I was purposely, albeit in a subtle way, distancing myself from him. I thought about checking in with him many times, as we had agreed I would do, but felt a reluctance and resistance to doing so. (more…)

Every morning (okay, almost every morning), I wake up, roll out of bed, take out my zen bench, unfold it on my sheepskin rug and face east to welcome the sun and commit to a new beginning in my life. At night I turn the opposite direction to face west, honor the setting sun and review my intentions for the day. This morning I was 5 minutes into my meditation when I realized I was facing west, not east. (more…)

Today my training officially began. We started at the beginning: the first gateway, Connecting to Spirit. This really is the doorway to life, and I’m feeling pretty confident (maybe too confident??) about the spiritual foundation I’ve built for myself, especially over the past 5 years. (more…)

My Yabyummy apprenticeship started today. I have been doing a sort of work-study for the past 6 months, in addition to taking Kypris’ women’s program to sort of ease my way into this, my most recent healing modality choice. When I look back on all that has transpired over the past few months, I have become a believer in all things magical. (more…)

Consecrating Sacred Space: How I Learned to Be in My Own Temple Through the Gift of Yoni Massage (more…)

Exactly 10 years ago I sat across from White Hawk, a shaman crone and artist, as she completed my animal soul portrait. The concept was this: She entered a trance state, met with the animal guide(s) most present in your energy field, and incorporated it into your portrait. (more…)