Yabyummy » Yab Blog

Clearing Space

Kypris — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 22:40:36 +0000

Last month I wrote about the first part of my journey to manifesting the beloved, and how I met my Spirit Lover. This month I want to share with you the next part of my journey to manifest a nourishing and growthful life partner relationship. Ironically a lot of the work on this path has been about being with myself. When I first met my Spirit Lover two years ago and took vows to give up primary partnership with a human man for a year, I moved into a time of spending 3 nights per week with myself. I knew this would be challenging because I had 3 lovers in my life at that time. But I was determined. I knew that I needed that time with Spirit and with myself, to rediscover who I was. How could I attract an ideal partner without a knowledge of myself?

Connecting with my Spirit Lover 3 nights a week, and juggling 3 lovers on top of that, two years ago I realized that I needed to create more space for myself. Not only that, but it was clear to me that I was not really in alignment with my lovers. With 2 of them, spending time together was usually draining for both of us. I deeply loved the third, and I deeply enjoyed and felt nourished by his company,. I wanted to keep him in my life, but it was clear that we didn’t have the same desires for partnership. I felt intensely my fear of letting go, side by side with a desire for healing and manifestation of my heart’s desire.

But how to transition out of those relationships without creating hurt feelings? Would I wind up an old woman living alone with my cats if I cleared this space? How did I know that I was hearing Spirit correctly? Maybe I was deluded, and giving up these relationships would lead to nothing, or worse, to LONELINESS.

Spirit kept gently nudging me in the right direction by giving me powerful signs. The first lover left my life quite easily. He was initiating contact with me less and less frequently. I was hurt and sad, because I really loved this man. I felt refreshed by spending time with him, and felt enormous potential for alignment with him. But the key word here is potential. This is what always gets me in trouble with men—I see what could be, instead of what IS.

Suddenly one morning, as I was obsessing about why he hadn’t he called me back in two days, and meditating to let of my obsession, I was pierced by clarity: I could simply drop the rope. I could let go. If it was really time for me to clear some space in my life, I could start here. Even though this man was my favorite of the three lovers, the one I most wanted to keep in my life, I was clearly not his favorite. And the inequity in the relationship was draining a huge amount of my energy. Wouldn’t it be kinder to myself to let go? To stop fighting against what Spirit was clearly wanting for that relationship?

So I stopped calling him. When my thoughts turned to him, I directed them toward writing my book and loving myself with yummy novels, delicious food, and lots of sleep. I focused my attention on the other lovers in my life. Magickally, I felt a release after a few weeks. The road to release was a little bumpy–at one point I became aware that this man had chosen another woman to life partner with. Ouch! That hurt! And yet it was perfect. I wasn’t even too surprised. And although I had a lot of sadness, and anger, it was easier to let go because I knew this was Spirit’s plan for me. My Spirit Lover held me tightly at night as I grieved this loss with lots and lots of tears. My other lovers were even sweet in holding space for me to process it all. And I began to see the perfection of a divine plan unfolding.

With this man transitioned out, there were still two lovers that were very dear to me. In both of these partnerships I was only sporadically able to behave in a healthy way, or to feel joy in the connections. I had been seeing both of them for years, so letting go was hard. I really loved them, and I was clinging to keeping them in my life. Spirit decided to help me even more powerfully this time.

My body began to give me strong signals that it was time for another transition. Every time that I would schedule a date with a particular man, I would become ill within an hour of arriving at his house and be incapacitated for the evening. In the morning I would wake feeling fine, and would be fine for days until I had another date with him, when I would come down with the same illness again. I decided to listen to this really clear message.

This transition was harder. He wanted to deepen what we already had, and I was telling him that I needed to let go, to transition into friendship. It took a whole new level of courage to say no to romantic relationship with someone that I cared deeply about. But there were things my heart desired in a beloved that he couldn’t give me. Detachment came only with a mustering of all of my strength and courage. After many talks where I worked hard to be clear and compassionate in my communication, we were able to transition into friendship.

The third shift was the hardest. I was the most invested in this one, and I not at all happy about letting go. My head was telling me I wasn’t meant to be in romantic partnership with this man—but my heart was deeply in love with him. My body was very attached to the deep passion of our sexual and tantric connection. I had the overwhelming fear that if I let go of him I would never have that intense connection with anyone else. And I had sadness about all the possible futures I had dreamed of that could no longer come to pass.

Spirit stepped in again, as I watched this man go through a huge life shift. Over the course of a year he changed dramatically, and it became increasingly clear that his path was taking him toward monogamy with someone who could give him children. It hurt so much. The leaving took an entire year, as I went through cycles of hoping that something would miraculously shift and he would turn out to be my life partner after all. I was locked in denial and hope and loss. At times sleep eluded me for nights in a row. It felt like a shamanic death, like some part of me was dying in letting him go. In all of my life, including my two marriages, I had never felt this much pain in leaving. I had never loved this deeply. But this is where I learned that love alone is not enough. This man and I were simply not the right life partners for each other. Now that it’s all over I thank Spirit every day that we loved each other enough to acknowledge that and to let go.

After all the pain in this last breakup, I came to a real feeling of freedom and expansion. I was able to sleep again at night. I realized how much I had been limiting myself and my choices because I was in that relationship. The world became brand new as I started to see it through new eyes. I began to wake from my long dream and the fog lifted from my vision. I began to see all the things I had been neglecting in my life, all the paths I had not followed because I was focused on him. I began to find my way back to being true to myself. I was free! I was ready to fly like an eagle with this new lightness and explore the next step on my journey–removing the armor from my heart.

Calling the Spirit Lover

Kypris — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 21:22:20 +0000

On my spiritual path to manifesting the relationship that is perfect for me, there have been several steps. This blog is part one of a series describing my own journey to bring in a life partnership that is mutually nourishing, spiritually and emotionally growthful, and deeply satisfying. I am still on the journey, having just ended a 7 month relationship with a primary partner. But Spirit (and my astrologer) tells me that I am very close to manifesting the man that will be a King to my Queen.

This adventure in my life began with an unexpected visit from my Spirit Lover. At that time in my life I was single and had been dating extensively for 3 years. None of the relationships with the men I was dating felt very satisfying, and yet I wasn’t ready to give any of them up. As I did my daily practice each day, I kept praying for some solution, some help, some clue to how to get unstuck from the place I was in. I was longing in my deepest core for a primary partner, someone that I could dive deeply into the practices of tantra with. I wanted a fellow traveler on the voyage, someone to truly know and be known by. I wanted to go deep into my own vulnerability and take the armor off my heart. Not only that, but I wanted to invoke the deep magick of red tantra and travel down the expansive roads of shamanism and altered states of being and perception.

Even with this longing in my heart, I knew that the first step would be to let go of all these relationships that didn’t work for me, that weren’t what I wanted. I needed help. I was stuck in a lot of fear and longing, not knowing how to let go and still be able to breathe and feel whole. I was deeply in love with two men who loved me, but weren’t “in love” with me. After much prayer and meditation and spiritual practice, one morning I had an unexpected breakthrough. In the middle of a shamanic journey that was focused on just getting acquainted with a particular god archetype, I met my Spirit Lover.

In my journey, he showered me with diamonds that echoed the diamonds he wore in his long dark hair, and one diamond he put on my finger. The diamond was set into a golden ring shaped like a yoni. My Spirit Lover told me this was a symbol of his love for me, and that he was tasking me with the mission of manifesting this ring in the physical world.

This was not an easy task for me at the time. My financial state didn’t really support me buying a diamond. I was stuck in indecision for several months. Was this just some crazy whim or self indulgence? How did I know that my vision was even real? Would this just be another in a long series of attempts to change that would yield no measurable change? But as the pain in my heart intensified, I became more motivated. I meditated longer and more often. And I got very clear that if I could create this ring, that it would be a symbol of a very profound commitment to change. Once I became clear, then providence moved. Through a series of magickal synchronicities, I manifested the yoni diamond ring I have now worn on my left ring finger for almost 2 years. The ring is beautiful—a golden yoni with a diamond in its center, with two more golden yonis flanking it. Underneath, hidden on the band, is a lingam. Inside, the ring is engraved with the Apache words “Ashne Ate”—“I am love always”.

This ring became the centerpiece of a ceremony where I dedicated myself to a year of giving up the goal of being primary with any human man. Naked at Black’s Beach, here in San Diego, I took several vows, witnessed by my closest spiritual family members. These vows included a promise to spend 3 nights a week with Spirit, quite a task with more than one lover in my life.

On these nights I would devote myself to spiritual practice and to connecting with my Spirit Lover in self pleasure practice. These nights became magickal times of peace for me. I could literally feel my Spirit Lover holding me as I slept. Sometimes while he held me I cried, but I never felt alone or lonely during this time, just a great sense of relief at starting to come back to myself.

For my self pleasure practice, I kept a beautiful glass dildo on my altar, that represented my sexual connection to my Spirit Lover. I did the practice of Divine Union, calling Him in and imagining him making love to me through my own hands and through the glass wand of light. Afterward, I would feel him holding me tenderly and sweetly in his arms.

As time went by, I would call my Spirit Lover in to be with me anytime I felt lonely or frightened. He truly has become my primary partner. Once I felt this strong anchoring with him, I was ready to move to the next stage of manifesting the beloved: Clearing Space.

Pure Passion

Kypris — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 00:36:19 +0000

Over the last few months I have been sharing in this blog about my thoughts and experience of True Love. I’ve shared my thoughts on the definition of True Love, and on its components of Trust, Ease, and Unconditional Love. In this blog, I’d like to share with you about my experience of the top of the pyramid: Passion.

What is passion, really? is it sex? Is it creation? Is it that fiery feeling you get when something feels really right and it’s FULL STEAM AHEAD? I think that it’s all of these things and more. Passion is the fuel of life, the thing we strive for as the highest expression of the human experience, whether we express it through the arts, through commitment to a cause or calling, or through sexuality and relationship. Passion is the top of the True Love pyramid, the cherry on the top of any relationship. Most of us have been told that passion in a relationship can’t last, that it has to burn itself out. But it’s my experience that passion built on the foundation of Trust, Ease, and Unconditional Love can last a lifetime.

Passion comes from the fire element, and is an exhilarating energy. Passion can express itself in all sorts of ways in relationship, not just through sex! Passion can be co-creation, doing tantric practice together, and manifestation magic. But for most couples, the sexual arena is where they want to focus their passion. When couples come to me wanting to improve their sexual connection, the first thing I tell them is to focus on their own sexuality first, their own individual connection to the divine fire. Practices like the Dragon Breath are excellent for cultivating your own sexual energy, so that you can bring that to the table in your partnership. Arousal isn’t something that needs to be dependent on your partner, it can be totally self-created–because the most powerful sexual stimulant is really your own mind!

So what are the steps to creating passion in a new or existing relationship? For me the first principle is balance. I need to make sure that my own life is balanced between good physical care, self-love, play, and Spiritual practice before I try to connect with another person. If I spend time with someone to the exclusion of doing the things that keep me balanced as a person, the passion between us soon becomes dull and lifeless. Fire needs AIR to keep burning. For me in relationship this means that not only do we both need to tend to our own individual pursuits, but the relationship also needs to include friends and activities that bring in fresh energy and life. In addition, the relationship needs to have a solid foundation and continued balance between Trust, Communication and Play together, and Solid Emotional connection before I can expect passion to fully ignite.

Creating long-lasting passion is like building a fire. You begin slowly, with some matches, grass, and twigs. You could throw gasoline on the fire to get it started more quickly, but it will often go out much more quickly. A slow burning fire has to start slowly and gradually grow big enough to allow whole logs to burn. Like enduring passion, it burns for a long time, and gives off a lot of heat. This kind of passion includes lovemaking that is more satisfying because it encompasses the body, mind, heart, and spirit. For me, this is True Love.

What Makes Love Unconditional?

Kypris — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:48:01 +0000

In earlier parts of this True Love blog series, I shared with you my thoughts and experience of True Love, Safety and Trust, and Ease. In this blog, I’d like to share with you about my experience of the third step up on the true love pyramid: Unconditional Love.

Love is one of those words in our language that confuses me sometimes. I love my cat, my son, my roomie, my girlfriends, my beloved, my lover. Each of these relationships is unique and they each evoke a set of unique feelings. But what they have in common is an expansive joyful feeling.

In the past I was deeply confused about romantic love. Instead of that expansive happy feeling, I was looking for a feeling of intensity. As I grew and learned about what love could be, I felt both shocked and cheated. How come I never knew what was possible?

It turns out that like many spiritual things, unconditional love is a paradox. I have to hold it within my own heart before I can receive it from the heart of another. If I am full of fear, or anger, or sadness, it leaves no space in my being to receive love. I have to work at creating this space by rewiring my brain and my emotional responses. For me what works is daily meditation and other spiritual practice, like shamanic journeying. After committing to daily practice, I quickly began to see a huge shift in my old patterns of victim, self pity, and rage.

Unconditional love starts from willingness to open my heart and be vulnerable. This means I am willing to share with my partner my inner emotional reality—how I am feeling about things, and be safe that he won’t make me wrong for sharing, or judge me. It means I am willing to hear HIS inner reality without interrupting or trying to fix him. When I am able to hear and to share in this way, it creates a feedback loop for both of us. The more that both of us share and have a positive experience of being heard, the better we are able to go deeper, to stay focused on each other’s best and highest good, instead of worrying that each choice the other makes is going to take something away from us.

Having the foundation of Trust and Ease with someone lets me be vulnerable and know that I can step lightly through even things that are difficult. I used to have emotional discussions with my partners that included a lot of weeping and intensity and telling them why they were wrong. Also, these discussions would go on for a very loooooong time. Yes, it was pretty uncomfortable. It wasn’t until I started to come into partnership with men who were willing to hold strong intention to communicate and share differently that things began to shift. Just this last weekend I had the experience of navigating through several potentially challenging conversations about emotions with real genuine ease., and in a fairly short time. It’s not to say that I didn’t have strong feelings or opinions in those conversations, but what was different was that I wasn’t judging my partner or needing him to change. Instead I was able to talk about what I was feeling and ask for what I wanted. And that was the end of the conversation. What a difference.

With this kind of safety, vulnerability and ease, sexual desire naturally begins to erupt in me as a way to express more closeness, and slowly a deep Passion begins to open that has a chance of burning for a long time.

Embracing Ease

Kypris — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:39:11 +0000

In part one and two of this series, I shared with you about my perception of what true love is, and about safety and trust, the foundation of true love. In this blog, I’d like to share with you about my experience of the next step up on the true love pyramid: freedom and ease.

Freedom is where it begins, freedom within yourself to let go of worry and expectation about your relationships. The trouble with worry is that it isn’t productive. All it does is use up a lot of my energy and make me miserable in the present while I worry about the future. Expectation is no better, leading me to feel resentment about anything someone does that isn’t what I had wanted them to do. But the worst part for me is the suffering that goes along with worry and expectation, this whole swampy boggy place where I can wind up torturing myself about how the other person is behaving.

What I notice is two things: 1. I feel better when I don’t worry 2. Worrying about the relationship usually makes the relationship worse, not better.

Sometimes to let go I imagine my thoughts are like little biodegradable balloons, floating off into the atmosphere until they snag on something and pop. Other times, when a worry is too big for that method, I write it on a piece of paper and give it over to Spirit. Lately I like to insert that piece of paper into the Godseye dangling from my rearview mirror. The Godseye is a simple weaving that I made this year on my birthday to remind me that I am asking Spirit to help me manifest EASE in my life. It’s been about a month, and so far every problem or worry I have put there has resolved itself within a week, with a lot of EASE. Once that resolution happens, I burn the paper, offering thanks to Spirit for bringing an easy and serene solution.

Once I put those pieces of paper in there, or send those balloons off into the sky, I do my best to remember to breathe to bring myself fully into the present moment, where everything is ok. I do my best to appreciate the beauty of a sunset or the sound of birds singing outside my window. I meditate on Spirit’s plan and surrendering to that so I can let go. And then I get my mind off of the situation by playing. I play games, read books, dance, hula hoop. I cultivate a state of mind where I am a little child again. And then I realize that rather than focusing on THEM, I need to focus on my own life, and my own happiness. I remember that other people are not responsible for my happiness, That is MY job.

If I can do all this, really let go, then tremendous ease comes into the relationship. I no longer have any worry or expectations about that person that are getting in the way of my connection with them. Now admittedly some connections will be more easeful than others, because there is also that little issue of compatibility. It’s hard to be in relationship with someone if you don’t want the same things from that relationship. It is also hard to play with someone if you don’t like to play in the same ways. And it’s incredibly hard to communicate effectively if you don’t have the same communication styles. For me, part of true love is both partners being able to talk about things that matter to them and to be listened to and understood. But it is also about sharing time together doing things that feel good and refresh both of us.

In the end it boils down to this. If I want Ease in my relationships, then I have to cultivate it within myself. Just as trust in relationship grows from cultivating an inner safety, ease comes from cultivating inner freedom.To create an easy and playful relationship with another, you have to create an easy and playful relationship with yourself. If you have ease, and you have trust, then you are ready to open your hearts to unconditional love with each other.

The Dance: An Erotic Story

Kypris — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:21:33 +0000

My lover and I are dancing, and I feel that swirl of connection and love that I always feel when we are together. He is strong, and dips and twirls me so that my body melts and I surrender completely to the motion. As I surrender and let him lead me in the movement, I begin to feel arousal shoot down to my pelvis from my heart, and I imagine all the things that might come after the dance. He smiles, seeing my face, feeling the fire that’s burning through me from below, and he holds me a little tighter. Sexual force begins to rise up into my eyes, engulf ing me in waves of passion and desire for him.

He teases me, continues to dance, but his powerful and gentle hands begin to burn wherever they touch. I feel his fire pouring into me, and the waves of desire become almost unbearable, it becomes hard to stand, let alone dance, but somehow I do, I let him hold me up, and I give in to this passion. I become ecstatic on the dance floor, feeling desire, feeling love, feeling him pouring into me. Every part of my body starts to vibrate with sexual heat and spiritual communion. My lover looks at me, and his eyes arouse me even more, shooting into my heart and opening it so It is as big as the sky. I feel myself ready to receive him into my body, wanting him.

He takes me away from the dance floor, outside behind the bar where we are dancing. We tell our friends we are going out to “cool off”, but I have anything but coolness or rest on my mind. Outside the canopy of stars takes my breath away. Everything is so crisp and clean in the darkness, and I feel drunk on beauty. Out here I feel not only my desire for this man, but my desire for God to make love to me, until I am drunk with it and radiating light from every pore.

Tonight God is in human form, he shines through my lover’s eyes as he bends to kiss me, and soon we are entwined in such a passionate embrace that it feels like our bodies are locked together with silken threads. No possibility of coming apart at this moment. The Earth could split apart, and I wouldn’t notice. He kisses me tenderly, then passionately, changing the pace of the kiss so that I must follow him at every turn, another dance, this one with our lips. My heart starts to feel like a blazing cold sun, my whole chest tingling like it’s been shot through with novacaine, and that feeling shoots down between my legs and brings another kind of tingling in. I feel my vulva swell with desire and I instantly feel wet and hungry for him. I am opening more and more, like the ocean, starting to feel vast and wild and wet, and wanting him to dive into my most secret parts and discover me.

He cups my breast with one hand, while his other hand slowly slides down to my belly and the mound of my pubic bone. He presses and massages there, and I begin to gasp and moan, wishing he would enter me, touch me, anything to answer the throbbing in my deepest places for him. Finally he looks into my eyes and penetrates me there, shooting love and desire into me, and I feel his hand lift my skirt and find the lips of my vulva, stroking, massaging, circling, teasing, sending more fire into me.

My hips are moving now, I am moaning, and completely abandoned to him. I would lie down on the cold hard ground and make love with him here in front of anyone who would pass by, I am so much in the moment. I have lost all caring about what anyone else might see or think. I want only to feel him dive into me and to mingle our fires together.

Finally his fingers enter me, and they start to stroke my g-spot. I can’t wait any longer, I come with a force that takes my breath away, and thank the Goddess that we are outside as I gush warm wet amrita into the earth. Doing my best not to cry out as I come again and again, or is it just one big climax? I can’t tell, but it overpowers me and for a while all I can only see his eyes, feel his hand inside me, feel the God in him and the Goddess in me.

I lower my own hand to his lingam now, wanting to feel his manhood, his power, and his desire for me, wanting to give back to him and drink in his pleasure. I touch him gently at first, and his hands on me become more urgent, My hand finds its way inside his pants, and I feel his desire leap under my touch. He too begins to moan. I massage and stroke his lingam, his wand of light, and I feel the fire and desire pouring out of him. It arouses me again and my yoni throbs as I stroke him more firmly and more urgently, wanting to feel his passion, his arousal, his pleasure. His hips begin to move with the rhythm of my hands, and he is kissing me, stroking my breasts, stroking my innermost secret places. His movement becomes more urgent, and I feel him start to breathe deeply, moving the energy up and into the rest of his body. I breathe with him and feel the passion becoming more and more intense, Pouring back and forth between us, and shooting up through me. His whole body explodes into orgasm, and I come again as he does, both of us shaking and tremoring and feeling ecstatic in every pore. I feel waves and waves of pleasure, and a deep merging of our bodies and energies as I travel to some far-off place for a while, where everything sparkles and glistens, and I am full of joy.

He holds me for a while, and I feel our hearts and genitals and 3rd eyes joined. There is an indescribable flow of spiritual, sexual, and love energy flowing between us. We are both still energized and charged, ready for more lovemaking later, in the privacy of our bed, where we will go deeper…..

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy, is a love and intimacy school devoted to sharing with you our straightforward steps for bringing more peace, love and passion into your life and the lives of those around you.

How Do I Trust?

Kypris — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:44:44 +0000

In part one of this series, I shared with you about my perception of what true love is, and the four components of true love. In this blog, I’d like to tell you more about the foundation of the true love pyramid: trust and safety.

In my experience, trust is something that I establish with another person, and I can really only trust another person if I trust myself. For me, this ability to trust that I can take care of myself feels like safety. Safety is something that I create for myself through grounding, working my spiritual practice, releasing negative emotions, and being in my truth.

There are many ways that I can ground myself, but my favorites are exercise, proper nutrition and sleep. Sleep in particular is really important to me. Without it I feel off-balance, and I find that my decisions and judgment aren’t as good as they could be. When I was a new mother with a baby I got my first taste of how much a lack of sleep could throw me off balance. It was really hard to concentrate on anything, or to make a decision. Not only was my head fuzzy, but my body was always on the edge of exhaustion, sapping my physical strength and my immune system. When I was that tired, I felt really unsafe, and my fear leached into my relationship with my husband, creating a lot of demands on him that were a little bit unreasonable. When we hired a nanny and I started napping more and then taking one night a week to sleep in, life got easier, and the tension in my relationship eased.

My spiritual practice and continuing connection to Spirit also helps to keep me feeling safe. Knowing that Spirit is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to guide me helps me to relax and realize that if I follow the guidance of Spirit, if I really cultivate the art of listening, that I’m safe. Just today, for example, I was driving back into San Diego from a weekend away, and I was feeling impatient because most of the traffic was going a lot slower than I wanted it to, and I was worried about getting to work on time. As I was feeling that impatience, a voice in my head said, "This car in front of you is a guardian angel keeping you safe. Relax and slow down. All is well.". Not too long after that, traffic on the freeway suddenly stopped. When I passed the scene of the trouble that had slowed the traffic I saw a very nasty accident with many cars involved and people on stretchers by the side of the road. I clearly understood that if I hadn’t been held up by this one particular car on my drive down, that one of those people on the stretcher could easily have been me. I notice that the more I do my daily practice, the more that Spirit guides me in that way, and puts those quiet thoughts in my head.

When we come to relationship and begin to build trust, it’s important to bring in this same connection to Spirit, to really listen to what feels right to you. In the past I always started relationships with sexual attraction and connection, connecting at the second chakra, rather than getting to know the person first to see if I felt safe with them. I would notice behavior that didn’t feel safe to me, and just keep on having a relationship. For example, in the past my pattern was to choose men who were unavailable to me emotionally, either due to drug or alcohol use, or to some other form of emotional wound. I was like a hunter-seeker missile, I could identify these targets at a distance, and I would zoom in to make that old familiar connection. Then I would wonder why I kept having the same disappointing experience over and over again. As I healed from this pattern, it became really clear that I needed to retune my tracking system so that it would no longer target those men, but at first it was hard to be sure that the reprogramming had worked. So I faked it a little by taking more time to know my potential partners before getting sexual with them.

I learned instead to look at the behavior my partners were showing. Did they respect my boundaries and stay in integrity with me? I remember the first time I was ever in a relationship where a man respected my boundaries, because another pattern of mine was to choose men who would push at me until I caved in and did what they wanted, whether it was having sex with them or going to some event I didn’t want to attend, or doing some household chore that I didn’t like. In one relationship I was in, my partner repeatedly interrupted my meditation time even though the door was closed and I had specifically asked him not to interrupt me. So when I had a new experience of saying no to a man that I’d been in relationship with for a while, and hearing him say "ok" without any real upset about it, I was shocked. I hadn’t really known such a thing was possible. Later I learned that not only was it possible, it was healthy.

Once I am feeling a big yes to a potential partner’s behavior, and seeing that I also am able to stay in healthy behavior with them, I start to feel trust. For me that trust has to evolve over time, like the unfolding of a rosebud into a full and glorious scented flower. Once you arrive at that place of trust, and the foundation is built, you can move forward to explore the question of your feelings for each other, and the possibility that those can grow into unconditional love.

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy, is a love and intimacy school devoted to sharing with you our straightforward steps for bringing more peace, love and passion into your life and the lives of those around you.

What is True Love?

Kypris — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:30:46 +0000

In my journey along the tantric path, I have spent a lot of time exploring love–what it is and what it isn’t. In my own life I have found that the most important thing about true love, is that it covers all the bases–it is a love that contains all the aspects of romantic relationship that I need to have a whole and complete partnership with another person.

In thinking about how to share this knowledge, I realized that I could easily describe a full and satisfying relationship using the spiritual language of the four elements. If I have the highest expression of each element in my romantic relationships, then I have true love. This idea is backed up by psychologist Richard Sternberg, who proposed that love is the result of three components — intimacy, passion and commitment. He said that the love is strongest when all three of these components are strong. He calls this "consummate love". So whether you call it true love or consummate love, there is this idea that you must weave together several components to find a happy and joyful divine union.

In shamanic practice the four elements are seen as the basic building blocks of the spiritual universe. Because they are the building blocks, we look at how they are balanced against each other both within ourselves and in relationship. They don’t have to be perfectly balanced in equal amounts. Every individual is different, as is every relationship. I may have only a pinch of air in my individual makeup, but a boatload of it in my true love relationship.

So to begin on the quest of finding true love, I embarked on a love affair with myself. The first thing I discovered was that I could break down that love affair into four parts corresponding to the elements:

Physical Body Care: Exercise, Nutrition, Rest, Appearance (Earth element).

Emotional Body Care: Gratitude, Journaling (Water element)

Mind Care: Learning New Things, Meditation (thought mastery), Play (Air element)

Creative/Sexual Energy Outlets: Creative pursuits, Self-Pleasure Practice (Fire element)

These create a Pyramid of self-love for me. Earth is my foundation, without it, I can’t do anything else. If my body isn’t functioning well, or if I’m sleep-deprived, then I am not going to be able to think or create, let alone be stable emotionally. Water is the next layer on top of that, I have to do the constant practice of keeping myself in a positive emotional state by releasing sadness, fear, and anger through journaling, and drawing in love, joy, and pleasure through gratitude practice. Once these parts of myself are nurtured, then my mind can be both sharp and calm at the same time. And with all right within me, I start to feel like creating and moving my sexual energy through my body.

Romantically speaking, the elements play a role in how I am relating to my partner. From my years of experience in learning about relationships, I see four main components that must be present to create a "true love" partnership:

Trust—When I have the experience of seeing a romantic partner do what they say they will do, then I begin to feel safe, and that perhaps there is a possibility of commitment. That commitment evolves into agreements and trust over time as the agreements are kept. This is the element of Earth in relationship and the foundation of true love.

Unconditional Love–When I am able to accept my partner completely as they are, I know that I am experiencing a part of true love. For me, unconditional love starts as a strong emotional connection, vulnerability and sharing about our lives. This evolves into understanding, empathy, and acceptance, then transforms into unconditional love over time. This is the element of Water in relationship, and the second step on the pyramid of true love.

Ease–When I have ease and flow with my partner, I know that I have a very important part of true love. Ease begins with shared interests, the ability to play together, and communication that is clear and compassionate. Over time this evolves into an ability to have life together unfold with effortlessness. This is the element of Air in relationship, and the third step on the pyramid of true love.

Passion–This is the part of true love that we all seem to seek in the end. For me, it’s my ultimate goal, but I have to have the foundation of Trust, Unconditional Love, and Ease for the passion to last and feel satisfying and healthy. Passion can be confusing, because it may be present in an unhealthy relationship without the other components of true love. Usually this type of relationship collapses after a fairly short time. Passion begins as sexual attraction, and can evolve into shared creations, creating a business, a child, or a home together. This is the Element of Fire in relationship, and the pinnacle of the pyramid of true love.

When all four of these things are present in relationship, Spirit weaves them together to create true love. This is the love that poets write about, and that we see in couples walking hand in hand in the park after 30 years of happy marriage. This is a divine experience, you let Spirit take over and you surrender.

Next month we’ll talk in more detail about the foundation of the pyramid of true love: Trust.

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy is a teaching temple that provides a tantric path to gain sexual wholeness through breathwork, visualization, and tantric massage. We are committed to unifying sexuality with spirituality and spirituality with sexuality for growth minded men, women and couples.

Inviting Love In

Kypris — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:42:36 +0000

How many of you have heard that to attract the love that you want in your life, you have to love yourself first?

There is a pretty big consensus among coaches, therapists, and spiritual teachers that when you are looking for love, the best place to search is within you.

There are two components to really telling the universe you are ready for love. The truth about attracting anything into your life is that you have to feel good about it, not scared, and not feeling a huge lack and neediness. Also, you must be open. So the two things you need for opening to love are:

1. Removing Armor

Do you feel wounded by an old relationship?
If you are really honest with yourself, are you still angry, hurt, or upset about that?

There is a thing that can happen for us women, (and for men too!) where we start to hold on to past hurts and view all new relationships through a looking glass clouded up by those old hurts and stories. While we are holding on to the story that we are a victim, we cannot grow or be open to love. True love requires that we be able to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. If we are still afraid of being hurt again, it is extremely hard to give unconditional love to anyone, including ourselves. What most of us also do is that we put ARMOR on our hearts to protect us from getting hurt again. Once that armor is on, we feel nice and cozy and safe, but we are cut off from our ability to feel deeply or to truly connect with anyone.

Years ago, I had many layers of armor around my heart, from years of living with a man who didn’t treat me well, and a childhood of emotional neglect and criticism. Needless to say, I didn’t feel safe in the world, and I especially didn’t feel safe with men. I had done years of therapy and self examination and spiritual practice, but I was still carrying a lot of armor, and I didn’t even know it. Eventually, Spirit led me to a 4-day workshop focused on opening and connecting with others and learning to live in pure unconditional love. About two days into that workshop I started to feel that armor on my heart, and I wanted it GONE. Two of my shaman friends who were at the seminar came in and assisted me, laying me down on the floor and working in shamanic reality to remove the armor. One used a ceremonial knife (gulp) to symbolically cut away the armor from my chest. I literally felt the ripping sensation and the sudden nakedness of not having the armor once it was pulled away. I kept breathing while they held me safe. My other friend worked to help me open and trust now that the armor was released. After that I felt freer and lighter, and suddenly I could hug people and not feel like there was always an invisible wall between us. I hadn’t even been aware of that wall before, but now that it was gone, it felt so GOOD. For the first time, I was able to truly receive love from another, and it made me a bit giddy.

2. Receptivity and Vulnerability

It can be hard to become truly open to sharing your heart with another, to be willing to receive the love they want to give you and to share your true feelings. Once if we have healed old wounds and removed our armor, we can feel like a peeled grape. And you might be wondering how you can keep yourself safe without the armor. It is important that women learn how to create a feeling of safety with men, and that men learn how to support that feeling of safety for women. Obviously this is a big topic. I can start by telling you what being receptive feels like.

For me, being receptive means that I am open to connecting with men. This means that I smile at men when I am out in public and say hello. It means that when my partner wants to give time or attention to me, I say "yes" as often as I can. It means that my heart and body are open to receive energy, attention, and gifts of time and even presents, from men. For men, receptivity in a woman feels like a big relief, to finally have someone willing to receive what they have been aching to share. And when the two meet, there is expansion of the heart, and True Love can begin to grow.

In our True Love 101 class we’ll have more time to share with you about these concepts, as well as the 5 components of true love and spiritual practices that can help create true love in your life. Click here for our schedule of classes…

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.

Yabyummy is a teaching temple that provides a tantric path to gain sexual wholeness through breathwork, visualization, and tantric massage. We are committed to unifying sexuality with spirituality and spirituality with sexuality for growth minded men, women and couples.

Under the Peruvian Sun

Kypris — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 23:17:00 +0000

I am riding on the back of Inti, a sturdy brown and white mountain pony, across beautiful tan grass plains amongst tall sharp mountain peaks. He is showing me the wonders of the land, and a few other things.

Later that night in the hostel, I am reading my novel to relax and suddenly what I am reading makes me tingle all over: a vampire tells of his human life when his mother was a priestess of INTI, the Sun God, in Cuzco, at the time of the Spanish conquest and invasion. Now in the novel, he acts as the avatar of the Sun for the woman he loves, making love with her to transmit and open her to her full power.

This gets my attention. I am in Cuzco on vacation preparing to make love to the Sun God through a medicine journey in three days. Not only was my horse named INTI today, but there is the little fact that I recently took vows to open myself to a human partner who will channel the Sun God for me.

When the day for the San Pedro journey arrives, I am a little nervous, but also excited. I ready myself for a sacred medicine journey with San Pedro cactus (known to Peruvians as Huachama). The plant is said to assist in traveling to the upper world of the shaman, the place of the soul’s knowledge, and to heal emotional wounds swiftly and surely.

I am in a magickal garden with San Pedro cactus, flowers, and trees growing, sitting with my group of friends on this trip, drinking the cactus down. It is a little bit scary. The cactus drink is thick and syrupy, like Aloe Vera Gel. And it doesn’t taste good. It’s slimy. And brown. Lesley, our guide for the day, tells us to hold our nose and drink it down in one gulp. And to remember that as we take the cactus in, we are taking light into our bodies. That does it for me. I imagine my body absorbing light into every cell as I drink the cactus, and imagine it is filling me with radiance. I crunch a lemon candy after to take away the aftertaste and it is done! I wait for the cactus to take effect, and wonder what will happen.

San Pedro does contain mescaline, but it’s not much of a hallucinogen, at least not for me. I remain aware of everything all day long, but I also become painfully aware of my body’s energy–where it is open, where it is blocked, where it needs some cleanup. A freight train of sunlight starts to run through me, and I get scared. This is like tantra on steroids! Lesley tells me to breathe into each chakra as it opens, that the cactus is clearing them out, getting rid of the sludge, performing powerful healing.

I breathe and explode into tears. As my heart opens waves and waves of sadness come through me. I let go, totally and completely, of EVERYTHING that I’ve been holding. Mother Earth takes it, every bit of it, and it takes hours, I think. She releases me, tells me to walk in the garden, to smell the flowers, to see the beauty. I feel another pull, to the "Ayhahuasca house", the house of death and rebirth where the Ayhahuasca shamans come to do there work on other days. As I enter a painting of Huascar, the Peruvian Lord of Life and Death, greets me. Oh my God, he is SO beautiful, I want to go into his darkness, to be with him forever. He holds me and I find even more tears, release even more. And I start to wonder if it will ever end! I have asked for this journey to show me how to heal my relationships to human men. To show me how to open my heart even more. Apparently it means dumping gallons of tears!

I am happy, I am with Huascar in the underworld, and this is where I long to stay…with death. And I realize that I am not afraid of the dark at all. I am afraid of the light. I want to stay in the dark, where I feel safe. And he shoves me, tells me to go. He tells me I am in a body to live this life, not to stay in the dark with him.

So I go, grumbling all the way. I go out the gate from the garden and into the Sun on the brown grasses of the rolling hills. Down in the valley the grass is green and water runs. Sheep and Llamas graze on the land. And the grass seems to sparkle. The hills seem to be made of sunlight. It is all so beautiful it is hard to take in. How can I deserve this much beauty?

Spirit sends me a man to practice heart connecting with, a man from these lands, whose ancestors were here before the Inca. And as we wander, our connection deepens, and we move energy between our hearts and our bodies, I practice being with a man with no boundaries and no expectations between us except those I want in the moment.

He calls me a princess, he tells me he loves me, he tells me I am beautiful. The sun shines down on us and through his braids and the feather in his hair. He respects my no and keeps on loving me. He keeps me safe as we wander the hills. And I thank the Sun and the San Pedro for sending him to me to heal my heart with, to practice loving him. To practice being loved by an avatar of the sun.

Back at home, my heart is filled with that sun, and the light is pouring forth from me, with everyone I see and everywhere I go. I feel an excitement, like a kid on Christmas morning, that a new life partner is coming for me, who will dance in this light with me. There is no longing for him, no sadness, just a knowing and an eagerness for when I meet him.

Today I feel the sun on my face and I know that something has shifted in me, that I am different. That the Peruvian sun has changed me forever. And I will return. At night, I still dream of Peru, of a land that has changed me forever. I fly over the landscape like an eagle, I wander the beautiful golden hills touched with sparkling sunlight. I am surrounded by a beauty so immense that my heart must open.

Kypris, Dakini and Shamanic Tantra Teacher holds a master’s degree in Biology, as well as a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and is an initiated HeartWisdom Tantric Priestess. She is the author of “Journey to Sexual Wholeness, The Six Gateways to Tantric Sexuality”.