True Love Horoscopes

Venus Square Venus

“Anyone who comes across as bold, brazen or less likely than most to buckle under extraordinary pressure will absolutely capture your attention. That, and your libido.” –astrology.com

Just this morning in meditation I was musing about my ideal partner, and how important it is to me that he be very strong and fiery. As my inner awareness of my heart’s desire for relationship grows, I’ve been working to see how that lines up with Spirit’s plan for me. When I ask Spirit to show me what steps to take next on this manifestation journey, I mostly see an “energy signature” for the type of partner Spirit would like me to draw into my life. My task at the moment is to keep seeing and feeling this energy entering my life in the spiritual realm, and to keep my eyes open for a man who matches this signature in the material realm.

What’s even more interesting is that I recently learned about an astrological way to determine what type of man would really be ideal for me. I learned that I can look at my birth chart to see what astrological signs rule the areas of intimacy and sexual connection in my life. For me, these are the deep mystical spirituality of Pisces and the intense leading edge fire of Aries—an exact match to the energy signature that Spirit had already given me. I see this as a confirmation of what I want to draw into my life, and am eager and excited to see how that will manifest. It should be quite a fireworks display when it appears.

Mercury Opposition Sun

“You’ll be dealing with your share of nervous energy, which could be a bit disconcerting to others.”–astrology.com

Last night another major transition washed through me—a shamanic cleansing of my karma from several past lives. It started with my shaman class last night, I picked up a rock that called to me, and next thing I know it was moving me into a deep clearing in my lower chakras. I spent all night physically laboring, as if I were giving birth. Feeling very real pain in my body, I felt all those lifetimes where I died in childbirth. Oddly I felt no emotion, just observed, as if I were in a deep trance or meditation all night. I watched myself at one point become agitated, like a wild animal pacing the house. In the past I would have felt afraid being alone with something like this moving through me, but I was happy to be on my own with it, to go deep into the process.

Finally at 2 AM I decided to do a deeply rejuvenating yoga practice because none of my other tools were working. As I practiced a series of deep forward bends, the energy finally moved, and I started to experience a deep letting go of my recent beloved. Clearly some of those past lives were tied to him, and it was time to clear our shared karma so that I could move forward. I felt my body open up, and my root chakra relaxed. Today I notice that I have all this spaciousness in my yoni and root chakra—as if the whole world could fit into there, as if I can manifest ANYTHING. Wow, what a great feeling. There is this light that I can’t describe. I look forward to finding out what it is.

Mars Square Mc

“Pleasing anyone, whether they’re a member of your family or a career associate, will be several times more challenging than you’d ever possibly imagined. Any attempts you make to ‘fix’ things could backfire. Why not go with the flow instead?”–astrology.com

This whole pattern of people pleasing, fixing, and caretaking is one that crops up in relationship for me most powerfully when I begin to fall in love. Over the past few years I come to realize that I become a chameleon with my beloveds, and that this is an insidious and painful defense mechanism. Insidious because it is really hard to keep awareness that I am doing it. Painful because it leaves the other person feeling betrayed, abandoned, and lied to. When I fall in love, some unconscious part of myself kicks into high gear to make sure that my beloved keeps on loving me no matter what—and if I’m not careful I simply become whatever I think they want me to be. When it’s happening, it feels like I authentically want what they want, and I really am who I think they want me to be. But at some point later in the relationship, a switch flips and suddenly I come back to myself, usually with a thump. This has been very confusing and painful for my past beloveds.

So one of the things that is so phenomenal about dating but not letting myself “fall in love” or get into a serious relationship right now, is that I am for the first time in my life getting to experience my true essence in relationship with men, instead of this chameleon self that has been having relationships for all these years. I’m learning that I am pretty independent, and that I have very definite opinions about what I want and don’t want in life and in relationship. Lately I’m learning to express these opinions really clearly, and it feels good. It’s progress, and my dearest hope is that the next time I fall in love, that I will stay centered deeply in who I am.

Venus Opposition Saturn

“No, you never expected to actually be attracted to someone like him/her — but it happened. Don’t fight it.”–astrology.com

It’s the funniest thing. The men I am dating these days are not what I would call my “type”. I am naturally drawn to very rugged, earthy, bearded, masculine men. In the past my friends have often teased me about my predilection for the “mountain man”. But the men I am drawn to these days are more…full of light. They are very handsome, and some times I feel intimidated by that, not worthy. But their appearance isn’t what draws me. It’s the intensity and passion in their eyes. It’s their ability to be present, and their flawless instincts about how to create powerful energetic connections with me. Even though my experience with each of them feels very different, the common thread is this feeling of stepping outside my normal comfort zone. With both of them there is deep friendship, caring, and fiery sexual chemistry. But again, that’s not what draws me.

To be honest, the real pull is knowing that being in connection with them is Spirit’s will for me. When left to my own devices, and my own will, I tend to choose men who are not in alignment with me spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. I call this the “broken picker”. My particular life wounding has created a skewed perception with men, that is slowly healing and righting itself. Part of that healing is that I’ve stopped choosing partners in the old way—on my own. Instead I am listening to Spirit’s wisdom speak through my body. When a man asks me for a date, the first thing I do is to check in with my HEART and my BELLY (not my MIND) to see how it FEELS. If I sense any tension or contraction in my body, then I say no to the connection. But if I feel a tingling and expansion in my heart and a relaxed feeling in my belly, then I say YES. So much simpler to choose this way.

Happy Solstice!–Venus Sextile Mc

Make one simple move, whether it’s an outright invitation or a subtle gesture, and you’re golden. So, is there a problem? What could you possibly be waiting for?–astrology.com

Since my name means “golden one”, this especially speaks to me today. Yes, it’s true, men have been susceptible to my charms of late, but I have gotten very selective about who I choose to date. I know deep within my being that it would be a disservice to me and to men who are interested in me to use this charm lightly. Today is a wonderful time to reflect on this, since it is the Summer Solstice. For the last two years this has been the day on which I would take vows to my Spirit husband, renewing my pledge to be married to Spirit first, and to any human man second.

This year my vows shifted to Beltane, May 1, the celebration of the Mother. Isis appeared to me in a shamanic vision then, and told me she would be spending the next year teaching me about divine partnership. According to Her, my last two years of integrating the Divine Masculine through my practice have been successful, and it is time to shift the focus to partnership. The deep transformational phoenix energy is rising up in me. Like the phoenix, so many things in my life have died or burned away in the last 2 months—relationships, belief systems, character defects, even my feline companion. And just as quickly, new things are being born—new relationships, new beliefs, a new surrender to Spirit, and a life free of pets for the first time in 22 years. Hail to a new era of freedom…

Mercury conjunct Mc

You’re not imagining it. Everyone is, indeed, smiling at you. Don’t question it, but do be merciful. Smile back. You don’t have to give them your number.–astrology.com

This is an interesting time for me. I have had a lot of experiences in my life that I draw from when I teach and write, but right now I’m having a NEW experience. This may sound silly, but I’m DATING for the first time ever in my life. In the past I didn’t date, I just had one relationship after another. I would meet someone through work or through friends, feel drawn to them, and we would have a relationship. I married the second man I ever had a serious relationship with, at the tender age of 22!

So now, years later, after ending yet another relationship, I find myself dating. This has happened not through my conscious intention, but through the will of Spirit. After my most recent breakup, a number of men started asking to spend time with me. Something has shifted within me, and this is what I’m attracting. What is lovely about it is how centered I feel in my boundaries. I don’t have to give out my number, or my time, or my attention, unless it feels absolutely in alignment for me to do so. Occasionally I have a twinge of missing being in a committed relationship, or I have a moment of worrying that I will be lonely. And then the phone rings. And it rings again. And again. Spirit is really showing me that I can stop worrying about being ALONE. That I don’t need to get love from OUTSIDE, I just need to cultivate it INSIDE. To be honest, I don’t care whether or not I am in a relationship. I know that eventually I will be in relationship again, because that is my path in this life, and because Spirit has shown me this destiny in a trance journey. But I’m not in a hurry.

Mercury Square Jupiter

A tendency to overestimate your own abilities is a side effect of the tremendous amount of physical energy you’ve been temporarily endowed with. Promising more than you’re sure you can deliver is the worst of it. The best of it is your willingness to die trying.–astrology.com

This overestimation of the amount of time and energy I have for things seems to be a chronic problem. Today in particular I find myself with a long list of things to do that relate to work, motherhood, romance, and my spiritual practice. On a day like this I have a choice: I can allow myself to get overwhelmed, I can run myself ragged trying to “do it all”, or I can connect to source and ask what is most important.

When I centered in this morning, took that FULL HOUR for spiritual practice, it calmed me and allowed me to come out of crisis mode. I saw clearly that some things could be deferred to tomorrow, despite my desire to take care of them today. Sometimes that desire to get everything “handled” is a desire to control. And I know for sure that my path right now is exactly the opposite: to surrender. This is just another opportunity to feel into the gap between my desire and my reality. I have a DESIRE to be able to get all the things on my plate accomplished today, while still having time to be a fantastic mother and lover and friend. But the REALITY is that I will fall somewhere short of all that. And that is just fine with me, because after all, I am HUMAN.

Today’s Book Oracle

“Because her great bliss is imperturbable,
She is a mountain….
Because her cavern is filled with nectar,
She is a cave…..
Because she burns the views of early disciples and solitary achievers in the fire of great passion,
She is a cremating ground.” –from the Cakrasamvaratantra

I woke this morning with my darkness lifted, feeling bliss in my mind and body for the first time in many days. Nothing has changed in my external life—deep transitions and letting go of attachment continues to be the theme. But in my internal life….much has changed. Last night I was shown in shamanic journey that I must celebrate that intensity that I have been trying to hide. I’ve written the tantric poetry above on a piece of paper, and hung it on my wall, to remind me—my path is to be all that I am.

My journey took place last night in my shamanic healing class, where I learned to track and shift destiny paths for myself. I chose to work with my romantic destiny path, and was stunned by the number of choices I was shown. How wonderful! One path led to an ideal partner in a few months, but with a lot of bumps and bruises. Another led to him in the Spring, with a lot more ease. And a third path led to a slightly better-feeling version of my ideal, but it’s not yet clear what would have to change in my life to shift to that path. For now I’ve chosen the path of ease, and Spirit has shown me that to get there I must heal the wound of thinking I am too much, too intense, too talented, too big for any man to tolerate. That instead I must embrace and love my full creative, sexual, spiritual, and emotional expression and show it to the world. Stay tuned for more about that…

Today’s Book Oracle

“Our hearts naturally want to be open, but when exposed to deep pain we behave like wounded animals.”–”Undefended Love”

I had a marvelous day today of working with clients. I love the way that my heart opens to a blissful fire when divine energy flows through me and I can really, truly, deeply help my students make powerful shifts in their lives. Afterward I felt all buzzy and happy and ecstatic. But what comes up must come down….

When I came back to myself and to my life, I remembered that I am still grieving. My cat is ill, and will need assistance in crossing over in the next day or so. As I write this I can already feel his spirit slipping out of his body. Grieving about him has brought up many other things I am sad about, relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. My natural response to this pain in my heart and my belly is to go into my room, turn off the phone, and lick my wounds until they heal, like the black jaguar that is my animal totem. Fortunately for me I don’t live alone, and my home is the hub of a sisterhood of priestesses that I have shared many years of trials and tribulations with. Tonight two of my sisters sat with me and comforted me, braving the jaguar’s den. I fought the urge to lash out and instead let them love me. I remembered that these are the times to let other women support me. I am in gratitude for my sisters tonight, and sending love to all of them. Aho.

Venus Semisextile Mars

Whether they’re nice about it or not won’t matter. You’ll know if you’re being rejected, and you won’t take kindly to it.–astrology.com

I spent a little time rolling in self pity this morning. For some reason today I woke up with thoughts about my recent breakup. Ugh, I’ve been trying to avoid those thoughts, mostly because they dredge up in me this sadness I’ve been feeling for a while now, about not being “chosen” as a primary partner.

It’s a repeating theme in my love life for the last several years, and one that activates a deep sense of loneliness and isolation. It seems that almost everyone I know has a primary partner except me….even all my lovers. When I start looking at things this way then the self pity rolls in. I have this belief that I am “too much”, “too intense”–mostly because I’ve been told that over and over by my partners AND my friends. My astrologer friend tells me it’s because I have a number of planets in Scorpio, that the trick is to attract a partner who wants all that intensity.

So I keep reminding myself that I can keep focusing on my daily tantric practice of seeing my ideal partner and attracting him to me. I can let go of the self pity and realize that everything is perfect in the eyes of Spirit. When I feel into that, into accepting that this is the way life is right now, I feel a deep peace, and I relax. I know that it’s all already handled for me, and the only thing I have to do is breathe, open my heart, and live life to the fullest.