Self Pleasure Ritual (Women)
Explore your body as if for the first time
Self pleasure and masturbation are one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself. To explore your body with loving compassion; to allow yourself the time and space to feel pleasure; and to know that you are worth giving and receiving this pleasure are some of the most powerful steps to becoming sexually and spiritually whole.
First make yourself comfortable in your bed and give yourself permission to take some time to play. Turn your phone off, light some candles, turn on some sensual music, set up your environment as if you were going to have a lover over. You are your best lover after all 
Visualize a time and place in your life that you felt connected to spirit, when your heart felt open and good. If you have a mediation practice then it may simply be when you are meditating. The first time I felt it was when I was 14 and on a sailboat at night far out at sea. I saw the stars and the milkyway in their true glory for the first time. I didn’t know what I was feeling at the time but looking back I know it was spirit because it felt good in my heart. Since then I know I feel connected to spirit when I am out in nature, when I am dancing, at yoga, when I feel the sun on my face, when I meditate, when I take a deep breath and reconnect to my body and the present moment, when I teach, and of course when I make love.
Once you have this visualization in your head slowly undress yourself and lie down on your bed. Make yourself comfortable with pillows and blankets. Now place your hands on your heart and take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Keep doing this while you visualize the feeling of connectedness to spirit. Don’t worry about visualizing the place just the feeling and breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. As you do this you may start to feel your body come alive, tingle, feel good. This may take a while so just keep breathing, visualizing the feeling of spirit and holding your heart, without judgment.
Through this whole practice you will have times when your mind wanders, when you go into sexual fantasy, when you trance out, when you have thoughts of work or how silly this is… When you realize you are having these thoughts just thank your mind for doing what it thinks will keep you safe, tell that little voice in your head that you love it and that you can keep it safe now. Take a deep breath and come back into the present moment, reconnecting to the feeling of spirit in your body and simply continue.
As you breath with your hands on your heart you will start to feel; good, sad, mad, joyous… Just let yourself have these feelings. When it feels appropriate begin to caress your breasts. The trick here is to stay present to the feeling and not go into fantasy. Imagine that you have never touched yourself before and simply feel what it feels like to caress your breasts. In tantra we don’t have any goals. You are not trying to make yourself feel good or have an orgasm. You are just breathing, connecting to spirit and caressing yourself lovingly. Again just go back to the breath whenever you feel yourself going into old patterns. The breasts are the gateway to a goddesses sexuality so awaking them first before moving to the rest of the body is a beautiful practice.
You may start to feel light headed or tingles in your hands. As your breasts awaken you will feel drawn to explore the rest of your body. Play with yourself. Touch yourself lightly and slowly. A good measure is that you should be moving as slowly as you are breathing. Stay with this exploration of your body for as long as you can before moving to your yoni. Massaging the yoni in a tantric present way is a whole practice in itself so do your best and have fun with the rest of your masturbation. 
Namaste
Yabyummy
13 Responses to “Self Pleasure Ritual (Women)”
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Kypris Drake, M.S., M.A. at kypris@yabyummy.com or 760 522-2554
Dr. Steven Jay at steven@yabyummy.com or 619 321-8599
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March 10th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
wow, i’m single and for a long time have wondered why i couldnt get any pleasure from whatever i did, but this…
its amazing i cant thank you enough i feel like my worries just floated away, its the best i’ve felt for a long time and i have finally become aware of what my own hands can do,
thank you <3
September 19th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Dear John,
That’s a great question, and the answer is yes, it’s not that different for men, only the body parts are different. Tantric Self Pleasure is an art unto itself, and treating even this time with yourself as sacred can have great rewards, whether you are a man or woman. For men, the biggest piece is to stay without goals, so not to have a goal for orgasm, but rather to simply to stay present with yourself and what gives you pleasure.
September 19th, 2009 at 5:10 am
I guess this wouldn’t be that different if this would be also for men, or what do you say?
February 14th, 2009 at 7:48 am
I love this!! It is so great! I was able to really feel my body. I don’t think i have ever felt my breast this way before~
February 13th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Namaste Madam,
I just want to tell you that you have done a great job to encourage women for self pleasuring. but there is a problem with my girl friend that she cant enjoy her yoni because of shy plz solve this thanks..
February 4th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
[...] Awakening ritual designed to open your body up to receiving more love. The second is a guided Self Pleasure ritual designed to greatly increase your awareness of yourself as a spiritual, emotional, and sexual [...]
January 6th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Dear Uzmii,
I applaud your courage and willingness to go forward in learning self pleasure. While connecting with another woman might be one way to learn to appreciate your body more fully, in the end it will not solve the problem of shame and guilt. I recommend that instead, you start by doing some things to get acquainted with your body. Perhaps you are not ready to jump right in to self pleasuring. One way to begin would be to take some time to look at your body nude in a full length mirror, and practice feeling love for yourself, maybe even saying “I love you” to your reflection. Another great practice is to begin noticing the sensuality of different types of things on your skin, like water, feathers, faux fur, or velvet. Taking time to awaken your senses and love yourself is a great preparation for the self pleasure ritual itself. Namaste, Kypris
January 2nd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Dear Gina,
I can really relate to your shyness about letting your boyfriend pleasure you in this way, but I encourage you to be open to trying it. It may help to try pleasuring yourself first, to get used to the notion of this way of experiencing your sexuality, and also so you can share with him about what you like. I do understand how much shame and guilt can be associated with masturbation. Most of us have been told that it is wrong or dirty or shameful. My own experience is that once I let go of these ideas that other people had given me, I found that masturbation was a really wonderful way to connect to myself and my sexuality, and it also feels really good! As for your boyfriend, it may be that he really wants to please you and make you feel good in this way, and letting him give that to you could be a tremendous gift for him and open you up to a deeper and more pleasureful sexual connection with him.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 am
Thanks a lot for such kind information’s about women’s self pleasure. Exactly the same happen with me. I feel shame and guilt even after marriage still I cant touch my body specially the lower part in between my legs. My husband says you are varying hot & sexy but I don’t know exactly how much I am really. Now I have make my mind to start self pleasure as per you advice for fully arousal & enjoy the sex. Now I want to know who I am & how much power of sex I have in my body.
I have red some where that “a woman can not know and fully enjoy the sex drive, emotions, arousing & erotic feelings until she knows herself and loves her body but this could be possible until she touches a woman body. To feel the real touch of a woman body will give you more awareness that how much power of sex do you have in you body”.
Is it right way. Please guide me. Even my husband is agree and happy to watch us or hear about the real touch. But the question is how, when where this will be possible
December 30th, 2008 at 7:00 am
my current boyfriend wants to masterbate me before intercourse, i can’t let him do this as i am so shy and embarrassed as i have never masterbated. i feel trapped as i want to please him but don’t know what to do. please advise me before i lose him
December 18th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Dear Shelly,
Thank you for your question about self pleasure. I really understand what you shared about the feelings of guilt that come with self pleasure, and at the same time want to affirm that battling this guilt can be very challenging. For me, it is a continuing journey to keep reassuring myself that I deserve to enjoy my sexuality, and that self pleasure is one way that I can make that choice for myself! Even when I do have a partner, self pleasure is an important part of my sexuality.
As for hysterectomy, there are a couple of considerations, but in general yes, you will still be able to experience pleasure. Women are lucky because there isn’t really just one place in our genitals that contains our sexual response. We can feel very sexual in our vagina, in the g-spot, in the clitoris, in the cervix, and in the uterus. You may experience a change in how sexual pleasure feels to you after a hysterectomy, but many women report that they still have very healthy sex lives. Others feel less interested in sex afterward.
The women I know who have had hysterectomies have chosen hormone replacement therapy afterward to assist in still feeling sexual, and also to reduce the symptoms of sudden menopause. This is a personal choice, and I would suggest that you talk to your doctor and do some internet research to see what women are saying about the differences in their sexuality around this choice.
Big Hugs and Namaste,
Kypris
November 28th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Hi,
I enjoyed your article about self pleasure. I have felt guilty about self pleasure, but I need to feel fully female, fully alive. Since I do not have a partner, I am trying to not feel guilty about self pleasure sometimes…
My question is about hysterectomy. I have a condition that is causing pain and discomfort and a hyterectomy is strongly suggested. Will I be able to feel like a real woman after a hysterectomy?
Thank you for your article. If possible, please reply.
Thank you!
Shelly
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:10 am
[...] was particularly nervous about doing this self-pleasure masturbation ritual. I just got the feeling that something pivotal was going to happen and that always incites my ego [...]